Northern legislators form “Yankee caucus,” will file “the coast is toast” amendment shifting coastline to BR!
The upcoming 2009 fiscal session of the Louisiana legislature, which opens at noon on April 27, promises to be as rancorous as any in the history of the state. This prediction is based on the plausible rumor that an extremely divisive constitutional amendment has been prepared for pre-filing by the noon deadline on 4/17.
This draft amendment is reportedly the work of several state legislators (presumably from districts north of Alec) who are said to be forming a “Yankee Caucus.”
A highly suspected source within state government is quoted as calling this “The coast is toast” amendment. She said that the proposed amendment would move the official coastline of Louisiana landward from its historic position almost to Baton Rouge.
The following resolution was received by LaCoastPost in an email forwarded by the secretary of an anonymous member of the Louisiana House of Representatives:
Whereas, beginning in FY 2017, significant revenues derived from oil and gas leasing and production in federal waters offshore Louisiana will accrue to coastal parishes under the Minerals Mangement Service Coastal Impact Assistance Program (CIAP); and
whereas, the science tells us that by the year 2020 most of Louisiana south of I-10 and I-12 will be under water; and
whereas, the previous whereas implies that the southern third of Louisiana will soon be mostly uninhabited; therefore,
We the undersigned petition the legislature and the voters of Louisiana to officially amend the Louisiana state constitution to declare that the official coastal zone of the state shall be shifted north approximately fifty miles.*
FLASH!!! Just before publishing, LaCoastPost heard another rumor that the upcoming legislative session will feature an organized effort to scuttle the “Coast is Toast” amendment.** This counterforce is led by a brand new so-called “Rebel Caucus” of legislators from districts south of Sorrento.
Members of the Rebel Caucus are confident that the Louisiana coast is not threatened after all, based on scriptural passages including those quoted in a new YouTube clip that is circulating widely. This amazing clip features US Congressman John Shimkus (R-Illinois) testifying at a committee hearing in DC that sea level is not rising – the Bible told him so!
I’m truly thankful that Illinois gets to claim this guy.
*Insiders report with a touch of irony that, despite intense lobbying by many A&E firms, Shaw Coastal, Inc. in Houma has been promised a hefty surveying contract to establish the new coastline.
**Rebel caucus members are apparently confident that certain scriptural texts refute the “Buttered side down” corollary of Murphy’s law, on which they think “The coast is toast” concept is based.
Disclaimer: at time of publication (12:01 am on April 1, 2009) none of these rumors could be verified.